@Farf
Moderator: Tribal Council
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WUNBadassTHANE
- Axe of Siggurd
- Posts: 599
- Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:34 am
- Location: Polo!
Farf tell the big story im doing ML7 group steps :pSpehonfyr wrote:I still can't see what was so horrible?
BEHOLD!!!! The gaseous stench of SKELETOR's breakfast burrito!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A
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farf
- Axe of Siggurd
- Posts: 327
- Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2005 6:39 am
- Location: patiently awaiting the Donnie and Marie comeback!
- Contact:
OR, i could use my super psycho mantis powers and do this:
http://vnboards.ign.com/Message.aspx?to ... +big+story
and if that doesn't do it for ya, then dammit, here!
hello, my name is farf...sort of. i'd like to start off by saying that, to this day, i am still blamed for this freakish story of coincidence, mistaken identity, and above all....just plain old fashioned wtf!? so without further delay, galahad, i give you...the BIG story
**this may offend some people, and for that, i apologize**
it begins like this. many years ago...well, not that many i guess, like 6-7 maybe, hell i don't know, i was in a relationship with a very nice young lady who had many many friends....loads of em.
so one day, she, jorm and i were just riding around in a vehicle when lo and behold, she has an idea...."i'll fix chris (jorm) up with one of my many many friends...loads of em." so, she whips out a little wallet thing from her purse and begins going through photographs as if they were job applications...finally, she picks one, her friend stephanie.
she shows me the pic, asks "what do you think," i think for a moment, and respond..."nice." the reason i say "nice" is because had i said "wowiezowie schmokin hawt, why can't you look like that?" i probably would have ate 5 to the eye. so to be frank, the girl in the photo was pretty sweet. now she shows jorm the pic and says "so, you wanna go on a date with her?" jorm sees the pic and in the back of his mind, he's thinking roughly what i was thinking, as his reaction was almost like a tom and jerry cartoon...you could see the little hearts floating above his head.
now keep in mind that for the rest of the story SHE ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH HER! i can't stress that enough...i even used caps lock. so my girl, she takes it upon herself to set up a whole event...i mean makes it like a freakin holiday. 1 day later, i get a call.."okay kenny, this is how it's going down, you stay at your house." "don't you leave dammit!" "me and sarah will come by and pick you up, then we'll go get chris (jorm)." "again, don't you leave dammit!" so...now we have a nice little set deal, i guess it was then that i should have noticed that she said sarah and not stephanie, but hey...i'll be honest, back then, i was probably high. who'd have figured that i'd do taxes now
so here it is....friday, 7 pm, i'm sitting at my house watching bram stoker's dracula....as i like that movie, when i hear a vehicle pull up. i open the door, it's my girl, standing there with a ginourmous grin on her face, i take notice of this, grab my coat and off we go! hooray, happy fun time! i'm doing a good deed for my friend and i might get laid! the wonders of humanity! nope.
i pile up in the back seat of a ford explorer, happy with the world, when out of the corner of my eye, i notice what appears to be a caribou in the driver's seat. oh no...that, was sarah. my girl looks at me, smiles and says, we've been by chris's place, we wanted to get you first, now we'll go back for him. hooray, i'm boned...
so we drive to chris's place...we pick him up, and upon entering the vehicle he notices what i did, just 10 minutes earlier....that there is in fact a caribou driving an explorer. he gives me a look as if to say "what the hell is this?" and reluctantly gets in the vehicle.
now, in her infinite wisdom, my girl decides, we'll go back to her place, watch a movie, play some uno...you know, wink wink nudge nudge...uno. at this point, chris is looking at her like..."what the hell is wrong with your eye, because i'm not hooking up with bulwinkle, stop winking." so we arrive, and...we walk in. the ladies go on in front of us...i guess they wanted a head start going through the door, who knows? jorm looks at me and says "what the hell is wrong with you people? jesus christ kenny, i know you wear glasses but you can't be that frickin blind! i get shown a picture of a hottie but all i see is the best damn impression of jabba the hut i've ever seen....it's a damn good thing we're in an suv, had we taken a car, it would be on 2 wheels." and he goes on like this for what seemed like 10 minutes, or however long it took to get to the door.
now, as it sounds, i'm making a lot of subtle fat jokes, but what did you expect in a story called the BIG story? for the sake of honesty, she really was quite large....nice as could be, but my god...noah didn't build an arc that big, and he had 2 of everything in it. so we go in, my girl asks us to pick out a movie...she's hoping for something romantic...chris is staring at me like " you better pick the damn documentary on pine trees." i pick happy gilmore.
now, my girl decides 10 minutes into the movie, that it's time to play uno! hot damn, i love uno, except when you only have 2 people playing....skip you back to me, draw two my turn..reverse from you back to me. it gets really redundant, really fast. only it's not uno...it's frickin monopoly. so while they're setting up the table and what not, chris pulls me to the side again. saying "dude, what the hell is this, i swear i could hear her snoring and she wasn't asleep." "where's the girl from the picture? did she eat her?"
to which i reply "the hell if i know? why don't you ask her stomach....tap on it, say hellooo, can you hear me?" he wanted to hit me....
so before the monopoly game starts up, i pull my girl to the side, and politely ask "dear....where the hell is the girl from the picture? did she eat her?" she laughs and says "that's her." i frown and say "where? behind the great wall your majesty?" she says "that's sarah, i showed you a picture of sarah, and you both thought for whatever reason she was the one!" to which i reply "no dear, you said stephanie, you showed us a picture of smokin hot stephanie...however, you brought sasquatch." she has a blank look on her face...then it dawns on her, that i'm correct...she says "oh crap, i did bring the wrong friend..." "oh well, let's make the best of it."
so...we fire up the game of monopoly. this is where fate steps in, once again, to say "hahaha, don't you idiots ever get tired of trying? here, take this, i call it the shaft!" so me and my girl, we're playing, laughing, having a good time, and chris and bigfoot....not so much. my girl decides, "hey, i wanna sit in your lap." me, being me, says...."yup, hop on."
upon seeing this little act of romanticsm (spell) sarah looks at chris and says "i wanna sit in your lap" to which chris replies "oh hell no! are you insane? you'll break me and the chair!" sarah screams and starts crying and runs out of the room, my girl looks at me like she's gonna go into convulsions and before she gets a word out....i say "hey, i can't really blame him there, i mean c'mon...the chair would've broke...and then we'd spend the next 2 hours pulling him from her ass." i got slapped for that one, but hey...it was true.
so now, we have to work damage control, my girl goes to console her friend, chris and i play 2-man uno...skip you back to me, draw two back to me....etc. i guess she was expecting us to feel bad or something.....which, i did feel bad, but at the same time...i didn't really give a damn. so, my girl comes back...she'll drive us home. chris goes to his house, i go to mine and that wink wink nudge nudge happens along the way...just to throw that in there for the tmi factor
chris calls me, gripes for about 2 hours, at least it seemed 2 hours...i try to explain to him it was not my fault as i didn't bring the wrong girl...he still gripes, to this day, he still gripes. my girl calls me, gripes for about 7 days, because it damn sure feels like 7 days...then gets all sweet and lubby dubby, explaining to me that sarah was in the room with her, and tells me to apologize to chris....
from then, until the rest of eternity....it is forever known between all involved parties, as the BIG story, because it's not a long story, it's a BIIIIG story. i still get griped at by everyone...my then girl, is now married, has 2 kids...and yet for some reason, every time i see her or talk to her, she can find nothing else to talk about...chris...well, he still blames me, because as he says, "i touch myself at night"...if that's the case, i guess he should get used to life in the fat lane...
sometimes, i wonder why we even try anymore?
the end.
http://vnboards.ign.com/Message.aspx?to ... +big+story
and if that doesn't do it for ya, then dammit, here!
hello, my name is farf...sort of. i'd like to start off by saying that, to this day, i am still blamed for this freakish story of coincidence, mistaken identity, and above all....just plain old fashioned wtf!? so without further delay, galahad, i give you...the BIG story
**this may offend some people, and for that, i apologize**
it begins like this. many years ago...well, not that many i guess, like 6-7 maybe, hell i don't know, i was in a relationship with a very nice young lady who had many many friends....loads of em.
so one day, she, jorm and i were just riding around in a vehicle when lo and behold, she has an idea...."i'll fix chris (jorm) up with one of my many many friends...loads of em." so, she whips out a little wallet thing from her purse and begins going through photographs as if they were job applications...finally, she picks one, her friend stephanie.
she shows me the pic, asks "what do you think," i think for a moment, and respond..."nice." the reason i say "nice" is because had i said "wowiezowie schmokin hawt, why can't you look like that?" i probably would have ate 5 to the eye. so to be frank, the girl in the photo was pretty sweet. now she shows jorm the pic and says "so, you wanna go on a date with her?" jorm sees the pic and in the back of his mind, he's thinking roughly what i was thinking, as his reaction was almost like a tom and jerry cartoon...you could see the little hearts floating above his head.
now keep in mind that for the rest of the story SHE ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH HER! i can't stress that enough...i even used caps lock. so my girl, she takes it upon herself to set up a whole event...i mean makes it like a freakin holiday. 1 day later, i get a call.."okay kenny, this is how it's going down, you stay at your house." "don't you leave dammit!" "me and sarah will come by and pick you up, then we'll go get chris (jorm)." "again, don't you leave dammit!" so...now we have a nice little set deal, i guess it was then that i should have noticed that she said sarah and not stephanie, but hey...i'll be honest, back then, i was probably high. who'd have figured that i'd do taxes now
so here it is....friday, 7 pm, i'm sitting at my house watching bram stoker's dracula....as i like that movie, when i hear a vehicle pull up. i open the door, it's my girl, standing there with a ginourmous grin on her face, i take notice of this, grab my coat and off we go! hooray, happy fun time! i'm doing a good deed for my friend and i might get laid! the wonders of humanity! nope.
i pile up in the back seat of a ford explorer, happy with the world, when out of the corner of my eye, i notice what appears to be a caribou in the driver's seat. oh no...that, was sarah. my girl looks at me, smiles and says, we've been by chris's place, we wanted to get you first, now we'll go back for him. hooray, i'm boned...
so we drive to chris's place...we pick him up, and upon entering the vehicle he notices what i did, just 10 minutes earlier....that there is in fact a caribou driving an explorer. he gives me a look as if to say "what the hell is this?" and reluctantly gets in the vehicle.
now, in her infinite wisdom, my girl decides, we'll go back to her place, watch a movie, play some uno...you know, wink wink nudge nudge...uno. at this point, chris is looking at her like..."what the hell is wrong with your eye, because i'm not hooking up with bulwinkle, stop winking." so we arrive, and...we walk in. the ladies go on in front of us...i guess they wanted a head start going through the door, who knows? jorm looks at me and says "what the hell is wrong with you people? jesus christ kenny, i know you wear glasses but you can't be that frickin blind! i get shown a picture of a hottie but all i see is the best damn impression of jabba the hut i've ever seen....it's a damn good thing we're in an suv, had we taken a car, it would be on 2 wheels." and he goes on like this for what seemed like 10 minutes, or however long it took to get to the door.
now, as it sounds, i'm making a lot of subtle fat jokes, but what did you expect in a story called the BIG story? for the sake of honesty, she really was quite large....nice as could be, but my god...noah didn't build an arc that big, and he had 2 of everything in it. so we go in, my girl asks us to pick out a movie...she's hoping for something romantic...chris is staring at me like " you better pick the damn documentary on pine trees." i pick happy gilmore.
now, my girl decides 10 minutes into the movie, that it's time to play uno! hot damn, i love uno, except when you only have 2 people playing....skip you back to me, draw two my turn..reverse from you back to me. it gets really redundant, really fast. only it's not uno...it's frickin monopoly. so while they're setting up the table and what not, chris pulls me to the side again. saying "dude, what the hell is this, i swear i could hear her snoring and she wasn't asleep." "where's the girl from the picture? did she eat her?"
to which i reply "the hell if i know? why don't you ask her stomach....tap on it, say hellooo, can you hear me?" he wanted to hit me....
so before the monopoly game starts up, i pull my girl to the side, and politely ask "dear....where the hell is the girl from the picture? did she eat her?" she laughs and says "that's her." i frown and say "where? behind the great wall your majesty?" she says "that's sarah, i showed you a picture of sarah, and you both thought for whatever reason she was the one!" to which i reply "no dear, you said stephanie, you showed us a picture of smokin hot stephanie...however, you brought sasquatch." she has a blank look on her face...then it dawns on her, that i'm correct...she says "oh crap, i did bring the wrong friend..." "oh well, let's make the best of it."
so...we fire up the game of monopoly. this is where fate steps in, once again, to say "hahaha, don't you idiots ever get tired of trying? here, take this, i call it the shaft!" so me and my girl, we're playing, laughing, having a good time, and chris and bigfoot....not so much. my girl decides, "hey, i wanna sit in your lap." me, being me, says...."yup, hop on."
upon seeing this little act of romanticsm (spell) sarah looks at chris and says "i wanna sit in your lap" to which chris replies "oh hell no! are you insane? you'll break me and the chair!" sarah screams and starts crying and runs out of the room, my girl looks at me like she's gonna go into convulsions and before she gets a word out....i say "hey, i can't really blame him there, i mean c'mon...the chair would've broke...and then we'd spend the next 2 hours pulling him from her ass." i got slapped for that one, but hey...it was true.
so now, we have to work damage control, my girl goes to console her friend, chris and i play 2-man uno...skip you back to me, draw two back to me....etc. i guess she was expecting us to feel bad or something.....which, i did feel bad, but at the same time...i didn't really give a damn. so, my girl comes back...she'll drive us home. chris goes to his house, i go to mine and that wink wink nudge nudge happens along the way...just to throw that in there for the tmi factor
chris calls me, gripes for about 2 hours, at least it seemed 2 hours...i try to explain to him it was not my fault as i didn't bring the wrong girl...he still gripes, to this day, he still gripes. my girl calls me, gripes for about 7 days, because it damn sure feels like 7 days...then gets all sweet and lubby dubby, explaining to me that sarah was in the room with her, and tells me to apologize to chris....
from then, until the rest of eternity....it is forever known between all involved parties, as the BIG story, because it's not a long story, it's a BIIIIG story. i still get griped at by everyone...my then girl, is now married, has 2 kids...and yet for some reason, every time i see her or talk to her, she can find nothing else to talk about...chris...well, he still blames me, because as he says, "i touch myself at night"...if that's the case, i guess he should get used to life in the fat lane...
sometimes, i wonder why we even try anymore?
the end.
...
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WUNBadassTHANE
- Axe of Siggurd
- Posts: 599
- Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:34 am
- Location: Polo!
Man, it still gives me nightmares 
BEHOLD!!!! The gaseous stench of SKELETOR's breakfast burrito!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A
LMAO...when out of the corner of my eye, i notice what appears to be a caribou in the driver's seat.
<i><font size=1>Game Naked.<br>...often...</font></i><br><img src="http://www.volsungtribe.com/picons/urgon_prof5.jpg" align=bottom><br>
<b>LoTRO:</b><br>--Skrotto, Hobbit Hunter of 16 broken arrows--
<b>EQ2:</b>
--Samadhi, Dwarven Priest of 33 Vitae and 34 Dwarven Stouts--<br> {GMT -8}
<b>LoTRO:</b><br>--Skrotto, Hobbit Hunter of 16 broken arrows--
<b>EQ2:</b>
--Samadhi, Dwarven Priest of 33 Vitae and 34 Dwarven Stouts--<br> {GMT -8}
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Cheshirekitty
- Yakitori
- Posts: 589
- Joined: Sun Nov 20, 2005 4:53 pm
- Location: sIn CiTy baBy
- Contact:
Kenny...you tell such good stories
I die @ the age of 47, ....in a Fiery golf cart crash....I heard alcohol was involved
<img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b176/ ... 270090.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">
http://www.myspace.com/cheshirekitty69
<img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b176/ ... 270090.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">
http://www.myspace.com/cheshirekitty69
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WUNBadassTHANE
- Axe of Siggurd
- Posts: 599
- Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:34 am
- Location: Polo!
Ahhh great memories
BEHOLD!!!! The gaseous stench of SKELETOR's breakfast burrito!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A
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EmeryaldPhoenixx
- Axe of Siggurd
- Posts: 203
- Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2006 9:37 am
- Location: North Carolina
- Contact:
I needed a good laugh after a long day of work even if it was at jorm's expense lol.-
WUNBadassTHANE
- Axe of Siggurd
- Posts: 599
- Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:34 am
- Location: Polo!
Last post is mine.
BEHOLD!!!! The gaseous stench of SKELETOR's breakfast burrito!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A
-
WUNBadassTHANE
- Axe of Siggurd
- Posts: 599
- Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:34 am
- Location: Polo!
Jormdalf: YOU CANNOT HAVE THE LAST POST!
Bishrog: grrgrrrgrrrgrrr (takes a step forward)
Jormdalf: I am the weilder of the flame of forum posting!
Jormdalf: go back down under!!!
Bishrog:grrgrrrgrrrgrrr (takes a step forward)
Jormdalf: YOU SHALL NOT BE LAST! !!shift111one!!11
Owned the end
Bishrog: grrgrrrgrrrgrrr (takes a step forward)
Jormdalf: I am the weilder of the flame of forum posting!
Jormdalf: go back down under!!!
Bishrog:grrgrrrgrrrgrrr (takes a step forward)
Jormdalf: YOU SHALL NOT BE LAST! !!shift111one!!11
Owned the end
BEHOLD!!!! The gaseous stench of SKELETOR's breakfast burrito!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wptJ2fYm3A